WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!?

Computer games are corrupting our kids. They are, without a doubt, the greatest threat and menace to our youth since Ozzy Osborne. Their vile, insidious tendrils have reached into the minds of millions of children the world over, molesting and twisting them with a dazzling array of dangerous precedents and ideas. Make no mistake, videogames will result in the downfall of our society by corrupting the next generation, and when the time comes for them to take their roles as a part of a society, that vile influence will spill out beyond the confines of lounges and junk food stained bedrooms. I therefore dedicate this piece to exploring some of the more dangerous and deadly aspects of video gaming, and the horrible insanity it can, and will visit upon you, your children, and our culture as a whole.

1. Violence.
All videogames, and I mean every single one of them, are violent, blood soaked gore fests. They show violence in a sickening, three dimensional, pixel perfect, 100% anatomically accurate way. As if the presence of these images corrupting our children was not bad enough, every videogame also encourages violent thought, rewarding your child for their feats of murder and carnage. Even fantasy games like ‘Deus Ex’ have a cast of characters constantly exhorting your child to greater and greater acts of violence, with no thought to innocent life or the role of the character they are controlling.

Games like ‘Bulletstorm’ accurately depict the horrors and brutality of warfare with complete, total accuracy, and yet unlike hundreds of films and movies which treat people getting injured and maimed with respect, like the critically acclaimed Die Hard movies, Bulletstorm trivialises human suffering by awarding the player points for gruesome kills. Many games also use snappy one liners, adding humour to what should be a very serious example of pain and suffering.

Unlike in films, our children are not taught that this violence is unacceptable, they are taught it is a source of entertainment. If this is not the most all pervasive example of the trivialization and glorification of human suffering that has ever been shown on a TV screen, well, then gosh by darn, I am not a patriotic Antractican.

2. Dangerous ideology.
I know you are still reeling from the shock and horror that your little progeny is being actively encouraged to kill and steal, but believe me when I say that the violence inherent in videogames is the least of your worries. The true danger, the threat to society comes from a secretive cabal of videogames, a little known genre known by the seemingly innocuous name of RPGs.

Of course, it is no coincidence that ‘Role Playing Game’ shares an acronym with ‘Rocket Propelled Grenade’- as these deadly weapons- which have never been depicted inaccurately before, can be found in every single video game, reinforcing the idea that your child can use them to create a huge amount of damage.

But the insidious nature of these ‘Role Playing Games’ is far less obvious than that blatant attempt to instil the idea of explosives in our children.

RPGs have their roots in the now infamous ‘Pen and Paper Role Playing Games’, a hobby which has never been outlawed owing to the corrupt, wet handed politics of the liberal agenda. Research has shown conclusively that these games cause great mental distress and pain to those who play them*, and break down a person’s ability to comprehend reality and fantasy far more thoroughly than any drug, even including that dreaded, silent killer, bane of inner city slums and tenements the world over- the most dangerous drug in the world- Cannabis. This concept was fully explored in the cinematic master piece, ‘Mazes and Monsters’, which was sadly based on a true story.

*It’s true. Just ask any GM who ever tried to plan a session in detail.

Thousands of people lost their lives to ‘Pen and Paper RPGs’, and thousands more died as innocent victims- murdered by frenzied young men and women who thought they were Gnomish Barbarians.

The spirit of these games has now reached the all encompassing medium of the videogame, and their ability to distort and destroy a person’s perceptions of reality remain as strong as ever- stronger even thanks to hyper realistic, perfectly executed graphics that show your children women’s cleavage in absolute, perfect anatomical detail. These games are porn for your children.

But without a doubt, the most dangerous part of these RPGs lays in the ‘story’ and ‘moral’. As callous as it may make me sound, a murderer can only harm so many people. RPGs will result in the break down and destruction of our society as many of them, such as the horrifically titled ‘Dragon Age: Origins’ (The dragon eluding at the same time to children’s fairy tales as well as scenes of violence and gore, corrupting the wholesome, Christian bed time stories you read them), depict a society with elements drawn from our own. This would be merely insulting, where it not for the fact that the game then proceeds to give your child the option to disregard our norms and values, and pursue their own moral code, making decisions and challenging the way that the society thinks. And as we know, anything that children see in a videogame, they are 100% certain to copy in real life, meaning that your child may start to question why they should obey certain laws and norms, and undermine the authority of our leaders by challenging their decisions and demanding they justify them.

Your child may even answer you back.

What happens when such a mindset inevitably acquires a position of power? It will make all the liberals in the world pale in comparison as they demand change, as they act on their own interpretation of situations instead of following the rules and instructions which keep us in an ordered society. There will be anarchy, chaos and destruction the world over.

We should be fighting all the way to ban this terrible menace to our society, before the culture we know and love becomes a phantom.

3. Videogames make your child stupid and introvert.

As a good, productive member of society, you know that the most handsome, popular and intelligent people all play sports for recreation. Research has shown conclusively that people who play sports are 100% more likely to get better jobs, earn more money and be more successful in life than people who play with computers. Sports heroes built our great culture and everything in it- no one who enjoys videogames and computers ever achieved anything worthy of note in our society.

This is because videogames make your child stupid.

Game series like Battlefield, Gears of War and Team Fortress are often said to improve a person’s ability to work in a team, as players who work together are far more effective. But as a good, well informed citizen, you know that simply clicking a mouse and jabbing a keyboard, or playing with one of those little game pad thingies (which encourages masturbation), simply doesn’t create a team. You are not working together unless you can see the person and interact with them directly. Science has proven this. If the team activity doesn’t involve balls (real balls mind you, not ‘digital’ balls or ‘virtual’ balls), then it is not conducive to working in a team. These games have no balls.

And then, even worse there are some ‘gamers’ (not the pronunciation of this is gay-mers, thus encouraging your child to make the choice to be homosexual and turn their back on God’s great teachings), who claim that ‘single player’ games (playing with yourself, again eluding to masturbation) can also be good for the mind! They hold up games like ‘Portal’ and ‘The Ball’, and claim that their puzzle orientated nature encourages three dimensional thinking and problem solving, providing intellectual stimulation and reward. Of course, these puzzles are tackled maybe once every hour in between your child murdering whole families of innocents. Portal 2 for example, has your child playing as a mercenary, killing people in Africa (most of who are black, clearly encouraging racist behaviour which is not acceptable when so overt).

This is of course, complete tosh. We all know that the only way to improve your mental agility is to read books, spend thousands on your education and to do the cross word in the Daily Mail. Science has proven 100% that these things improve brain power, so if 100% of brain power comes from them, how can anything else make you smarter? Videogames will make your child more stupider as they waste time that could be spent learning on pointless videogames.

4. These games are aimed at your child.

In our great, perfect, flawless culture, the paragon of virtue that has never started an unjust war, never encouraged or abided persecution, or venerated hypocrisy, we occasionally create media that is unsuitable for children. The reasons for this vary, they may deal with adult themes, such as wooing a prospective lover, courting them, getting married and then hint at the possibility of strictly missionary, purely reproductive sex, or contain subtext that would drive a child mad with its complexity (such as Tommy Wiseau’s operatic masterpiece, ‘The Room’).

Understand that we have a rating system which ensures that children do not experience these things which look at reality. And now be aware that no such system exists for the evils of Videogames. Oh your child may be stopped from buying the latest Hellraiser on Blu-Ray, but there is nothing to stop your child from purchasing a copy of the gore drenched game ‘Mortal Kombat’ (Note the use of the K instead of the C, an example of gamers subverting language to their own ends, just like in the novel ‘1984’).

There can be no greater testament to the sick people who create these videogames that they would make a media form that allows children to skin their victims, or saw them up with a chainsaw. I have never Saw such violence anywhere else.

And remember- Videogames are for children, only children play them. An age certification shouldn’t be needed for them, and we should look at the Australian model as a shining example of how Videogames should be managed. 100% of all videogames in Australia are totally free of gore and violence, meaning they are suitable for their audience (or at least as suitable as this menace can be), and thus no controls over who can buy them are required.

5. Conclusions.
So, thank you for staying with me through this piece, I can appreciate that it was very long, but now you are far better educated about this dangerous threat, thanks to me- someone who knows more about this than you. I’ve never played a videogame in my life, so I’m free of their corruption, and thus able to look at them completely objectively, making me the only reliable source you have. Remember, keep your child safe from this menace- destroy all videogames today!


I'd intended to post this on April 1st, but sadly I've been too ill. I hope you enjoyed it anyway.

2 Response to "WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!?"

  1. brandon says:

    Let me start with one thing. I grew up playing halo,gta, and various other "violent" games and none of these games have cause me to kill, rape, or steal anything. Most of these games have had no affect on me or my social skills, and how i act in society. Im currently a full time student in college studying Civil Engineering with a gpa of 3.5 and i still play violent video games time and time again, when i get done the first thing i think about is not how im going to kill my enemy or anything like that, i think about stuff that matters like getting my grades up or paying bills or anything of that sort. Another thing is that when you throw everyone into a general category like who ever plays violent video games is going to kill someone just cause they saw it in a video game it makes me and other gamers look bad. And also there are a ton of other non violent video games out there.

    Evis T says:

    Brandon, I think you should check the tag line on the bottom :P

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